Archive for December, 2010

     

I started this short series with the reminder that it takes time to build and maintain solid relationships.  And it takes our attention.  And we need to properly nourish our valued relationships. 

How do we do that? 

I propose that we nourish our relationships with a 4-pronged approach. 

Start by interacting with consideration; demonstrate respect for each other and for the relationship. 

Add a regular dose of appreciation and gratitude for the qualities of our loved ones.

Communicate with an open mind, asking questions of ourselves and others.  Be curious.  Be open.  Be receptive.

Here’s the last of the four points that I want to remind us of:

Expression.

Express your consideration!  Express your appreciation!

Express yourself.

An fun place to start (or return to) is The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.  Using the 5 Love Languages provides us with a variety of ways to express ourselves in our relationships.  Here they are, briefly:

• Words of Affirmation
• Quality Time
• Receiving Gifts
• Acts of Service
• Physical Touch

Yes, different people prefer different forms of expression.  Heck, different days and moods inspire (require?) different forms of expression.

If you’re in a relationship that you value, you owe it to the other person, to the health of the relationship, and to yourself, to communicate that. 

Delve into all the options available to express yourself. 

Don’t keep it inside.  Express it.  Own it.  Revel in it!

How do YOU express yourself in your relationships?  I’d love to hear from you!

~Margie

     

The third key to valuing our relationships is to question. 

As in “ask, don’t tell.”  You read that right.  ASK.  Don’t tell. 

Ask what they mean when they’re talking. 

Ask for their help or cooperation instead of telling them what to do. 

Ask questions.  Kindly, gently, lovingly.

Ask how they’re feeling. 

Ask what they need. 

Ask what you can do for them today.

Here’s another twist on the theme of questioning:

Ask yourself what’s working in this relationship and what’s not working so well. 

Ask yourself what you need from the relationship and then ask for it.  Ask yourself what it is you would like the other person to do for you.  Get clear and then ask for it with love and openness.

Why spend energy feeling disappointed that we don’t get what we want and/or need from those we’re in relationship with?  Why not try asking directly instead of telling them (later?) how they aren’t measuring up? 

What questions do YOU ask or plan to ask in your relationships?  I’d love to hear from you!

~Margie

           

If the first key to valuing our relationships is respect and consideration, then the second key is appreciation.

Appreciation.

Who doesn’t like to be appreciated? 

And yet, despite our desire to feel appreciated for our efforts and for just being ourselves, we can be lax about demonstrating our appreciation for our loved ones. 

Yep, I’m as guilty as the next person of taking for granted many of the things I could be expressing appreciation for. 

I want my loved ones to know that I appreciate them for being themselves.  I appreciate them for being in my life.  I appreciate them. Period. 

So, where can I begin this holiday season to show my loved ones I appreciate them? 

How about writing a short note of appreciation for something very specific about your loved one?  You could do something for them that they normally do for YOU – in other words, surprise them with the special treatment they give you.  Or you can do a favor for them before they ask.  You could demonstrate your appreciation by spending time with them, doing something they like to do.  The point is to cause them to feel special for being who they are and because you value them in your life.

Oh, and of course, why not say . . .

Thank You! I appreciate you just the way you are.

How do YOU demonstrate appreciation in your relationships?  I’d love to hear from you!

~Margie